


Against Fate

by Analys



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Be patient with them, First Love, Growing Up, Heartbreak, Like lots of it, M/M, Slow Burn, Some smut but not the main point, but it will get better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-02-01 17:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12709893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Analys/pseuds/Analys
Summary: We dated for three years and during that time we shared a lot. He was my first love, or at least the first I loved to that extent. I gave him all of my firsts and he accepted them all with tenderness and passion.And then, a few nights before his birthday, he called in the middle of the night. I could hear the music and his friend’s laughter in the back ground. I concentrated on his voice. He was sober. Serious. Decided.“I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of it. Let’s break up.”I gave him all my firsts: my first kiss, my first time, my first love, my first heartbreak and my first child.Now I can’t even say his name aloud.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So this is my first attempt at ABO dynamics and it will take time to explain everything, but please be patient with me. Also, this is only the prologue, the next chapter will be there soon enough. I hope you'll like it!  
> Please leave kudos and comments, it will help me write down this story and keep me motivated. 
> 
> Ah, I don't have a beta and English isn't my first language so be kind to me if there are mistakes. If anybody wants to be my beta, it'll make me truly happy. :D
> 
> Lots of love! <3

We met when we were seventeen, both of us in our last year of college. It was a coincidence that both of us attended the same choir and after the same French literature class. 

At least that’s how we laughed it off at first, but if I’m being honest he captured my attention from our first meeting. Maybe that’s when he became my personal curse. I remember I thought he smiled like a turbulent child, his eyes full of life and gleaming with mischief. I found the dimples his smile created simply adorable. Yes, I believe that’s when it all began without even knowing it.

Back at the time, he was dating a girl, cute and omega but quite ordinary. It didn’t hurt when I saw them together; I was attracted by his vibrant personality but it wasn’t love. I simply enjoyed teaming up with him in our literature class. We had such complicity that for the rest of the class we came as a duo. Always bickering, having opposite ideas and sassing each other.

Phichit said that I always had hearts in my eyes when I talked about him, but I just rolled my eyes and reminded him that he had a pretty omega girlfriend. After sometime, it was mostly a reminder to me even if I still denied what I felt for him. 

Two months after the start of the semester, news where running in the college that the most handsome alpha was single again. Numerous people tried their best to gain his affection, from all secondary genders. 

The whole college was curious to know who would capture his heart again; some said that it was obvious who had caught his attention.

But it was a complete surprise when he kissed me in that cold evening in December. It’s still vivid in my mind: how his eyes shined like turquoises, the warmth of his hand upon my cheek, the snowflakes in his silver long hair, and the sweetness of his shy lips. 

A timid smile, cheeks dusted pink and the realization that I was in love. I closed my eyes as he leaned in again, getting in in my tiptoes to reach him midway. Our kiss tasted like coffee.

We dated for three years and during that time we shared a lot. He was my first love, or at least the first I loved to that extent. I gave him all of my firsts and he accepted them all with tenderness and passion. 

And then, a few nights before his birthday, he called in the middle of the night. I could hear the music and his friend’s laughter in the back ground. I concentrated on his voice. He was sober. Serious. Decided. 

“I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of it. Let’s break up.”

I gave him all my firsts: my first kiss, my first time, my first love, my first heartbreak and my first child.

Now I can’t even say his name.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been difficult at first since both of us lived in the same apartment and both our names were in the lease which meant that if one of us wanted to leave, the other had to accept to take full responsibility about the rent.

I still don’t understand why he refused to leave. He had so many friends in Detroit that he would have found a new roommate easily.

I had no one in that city, Phichit had returned to Thailand and my family had gone back to Japan after I graduated from college since they missed home greatly.

He was the only one I knew and it wasn’t a blessing anymore. We were always on edge, picking fights for nothing.

I tried my best to be a good roommate, but it was so difficult to live with someone who used to know all my secrets, someone that I loved so greatly and have to act as if the last three years never existed.

I know I should have left sooner, but I had worked so hard to turn the tiny apartment into a cozy home during the cold seasons that I didn’t want to leave.

All the cleaning, the painting, the decorating of the apartment, I did it all by myself, singing love songs and thinking about how happy he would be when coming back to our home.

I remember the beautiful nest I made in our bed: carefully woven colorful sheets, lots of fluffy cushions and some of his scented t-shirts. In the end, that nest never saw our love, only my ugly crying.

He had spent all winter in St. Petersburg with his best friend, Chris Giacometti. He had only been there the day we moved in and left the next week.

What was supposed to be a home full of love became a broken wish. All those efforts… And when he simply came back, the only thing he had to do was to put his clothes next to mine in the wardrobe, his toothbrush sharing the same cup as mine.

It was all so horrible. We got rid of the king sized mattress, destroyed the nest I made, and replaced it with two twins beds. We slept in the same bedroom, but in different beds. He snorted when he saw me making a new little nest on my bed.

“Try not to put my clothes in that thing” he muttered.

The tears that filled my eyes when I looked at him seemed to shock him and he left the room slamming the door.

I could only cry, rolled in a ball under the covers, trying to stifle my sobs, but the scent of omega in distress filled the apartment and he left saying he couldn’t take it.

After he left, I cried, feeling everything break inside of me. He had said that my nesting habits were adorable, that I was the perfect mate, that he couldn’t wait to live together, that I made him happy.

I remembered the first time he shared my heat, how loving he had been, taking care of me, saying sweet nothings in my ear, gushing about my nest and how honored he felt to lie down in the middle of it with me.

How he had kissed my neck the morning after my heat, looking into my eyes with adoration and saying that one day he would ask me to be his husband. That we would bond then and he would wear my mark proudly.

We were so far from that shattered dream. I had believed in those promises, worked so hard, given my best… now he couldn’t take my scent anymore and called my nest a ‘thing’.

  
I fell asleep with tears rolling down my cheeks, tired and empty. I had lost my light and the next days I lived like a zombie. I avoided fights, accepted whatever he said just to keep him satisfied, spending as much time as I could in the university or the dance studio.

Everything changed that one day I went to the doctor to get a new prescription for my anxiety and scent blockers as well as a general check-up since I had been feeling sick.  
I was sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for the results, fidgeting like always when the door opened and the doctor walked in.

“Mr. Katsuki, I’m afraid we’ll have to make some adjustments to your medication since the actual one could be dangerous for the baby.”

The man kept reading something in his folder, not aware of what his words had provoked in me.

“Ex-excuse me,” I interrupted him. “What did you say? That I-I’m pre-pregnant?”

The doctor put the documents down and smiled softly, suddenly understanding that I didn’t know that bit of information before walking in his office.

“Yes, Mr. Katsuki. You are almost three months pregnant. Was it something unplanned?”

I just nodded, mouth too dry to speak.

“Well, I advise you to talk about it with the father of the baby first and then decide if you wish to keep it.”

I don’t remember much after those words, my mind went blank. I walked out of the office with some pamphlets about pregnancies, abortion and adoption in my hands, but I couldn’t go home.

If I went back to the apartment, I would have to face him and he would surely be able to see that something was wrong. I wouldn’t be able to lie to him since he would be able to tell from my nervous scent, but I also couldn’t tell him that I was pregnant.

I went to a small park close to our flat and sat down on a bench. I couldn’t believe it. I looked at my stomach as if I could see through the layers of clothes and skin. A baby. A tiny little baby was in there.

I looked up hearing the laugher of kids playing in the park. I had always loved children and wished to have two, but I never imagined it to be like this. I wanted to have a family, with him as my mate, in a beautiful house at the outdoors of the city with a backyard for the kids and our dog.

Not now, single, without a home, and in such bad terms with the father of my child.

What would he think after I told him? That I was like those omegas he despised: trying to corner an alpha with an unwanted child.

And if he decided to acknowledge the baby, the rest of the people would keep whispering that I got pregnant on purpose to keep the silver haired alpha between my clutches, like a gold-digger since his family was financially eased.

A tear rolled down my cheek. No no no no, I had never intended for that to happen!

I looked at the children playing and that’s when I realised that I wasn’t even considering getting rid of the baby. I wanted it. Even if I had to raise it alone.

A whole plan started to form in my mind, for once my anxiety going down. I had to prepare a bright future for my baby. I smiled and caressed my flat belly under my coat.

“I’ll protect you, my little Sun.”

After that day, I started smiling more, humming lullabies from my childhood without noticing the curious glances that my ‘roommate’ threw my way.

The plan I had was simple: I would finish the semester and go back to Japan. I would ask my parents to help me raise my little Sun, and after the baby’s first year, I would go back to school, finish my dance studies and work in Minako’s studio as a dance instructor. I wouldn’t tell him that he was the father of my child, but if we ever crossed paths again or he discovered the truth and asked to meet the little one, I wouldn’t refuse.

I was quite proud of my scheming. I could even hide my baby bump as me gaining weight.

Things went well for another month; I had told Phichit about the pregnancy and had his support. My ‘roommate’ wasn’t often home, he spent a lot of time partying with Chris, sometimes not coming back, and when both of us were in the apartment, we would simply ignore each other.

I won’t lie; it hurt so much not being able to tell him. Some nights, I would lay down in my nest looking at the bed next to mine, watching his sleeping form so close to me but inaccessible.

“Hold on, Yuuri, hold on” I would whisper in the darkness before turning my back to him and try not to cry myself to sleep.

Everything was going well.

Until that day.

I was at the university when the snowstorm started and by the time I got out of class, I couldn’t see two feet in front me.

I never saw the car coming my way.

The driver saw me at the last moment and tried to avoid me, but the road was slippery.

I woke up to the beeping of the monitors and the sobbing of someone. The scent was one I was familiar with and the distress in it worried me.

“Victor?” I rasped, trying to see him with my blurred vision. Where were my glasses?

Another sob and then his arms were around me, warm, but desperate. I lifted my hand with difficulty and caressed his long silvery hair.

He tried to say something between his sobs, but I couldn’t decipher his words.

“What?” I asked confused and trying to calm him down. My voice was only a whisper and my whole body hurt.

And then, I remembered. Panic shot through my system and I took him by his shoulders to look at him.

“My little Sun, where is he?! Is my baby alright?!” I shouted, alarmed and tears coming to my eyes. My own distressed scent filled the room and he sobbed even more.

He shook his head and tried to caress my cheek, but I pushed him. No. No no no no. He must be mistaken. He didn’t even know that I had a baby, so maybe he didn’t know either if my little star of the morning was fine.

I put my hands over my stomach and tried to calm down. The monitors started beeping like mad and nurses rushed in.

They were saying to calm down, to stop screaming, that I needed to breathe and listen to them, but I couldn’t hear anything. I was losing my sanity. Where was my baby?! WHERE?!

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?! Yuuri!”

That sobbed question in hysterics is the last thing I recall from that day.

 

Now here I am, two years and a half later.

I live in a small but cozy bachelor in Toronto a few minutes’ walk from Phichit’s university dorm. I work for a dance company as a teacher. I moved in months ago.

I’m fine. Better. More at peace with myself and always smiling at the sky. Always talking to my little Sun.

I haven’t seen him or talked to him since back then. After the accident, I packed my things and went back to Japan where I cried in my mother’s arms for months.

Phichit came to visit often and the patient love of Mari and my parents helped me pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

I went back to school and kept dancing with Minako. It’s thanks to her contacts that I got my job and moved to Canada. I didn’t want to go back to Detroit, but neither wished to stay longer in Japan. The fact that Phichit wanted to study his master in the University of Toronto was a blessing.

I think I can say that I’m starting to be happy again. I have even started to consider giving a chance to that cute beta that works near the school dance.

So many things happened and so many will happen. But the one thing I wasn’t expecting was to receive a Facebook message from him.

 

14:23 **Victor Nikiforov** : Hi Yuuri! I know this may sound weird,

but I’m in a trip in Japan and it made me think of you. You were

right about so many things. The sushi is way better here than

the one in the States! I was also looking for that particular fruit

you talked about… kaki? But I haven’t found any? Maybe it’s

not the season? 

  
14: 36 **Victor Nikiforov** : I hope you’re doing well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd. I spent the night writing this chapter, so there maybe some mistakes. I apologize.  
> Please leave kudos and comments, I want to know what you think. Give me your opinions! :D  
> Well, now I'll go get some sleep. ZzZzZz  
> Lots of love! <3


	3. Chapter 3

“Don’t answer him, Yuuri.”

That was Phichit’s serious advice when I told him about the weird message. It was our usual Saturday movie night at my place. We were watching the last Pirates of Caribbean when I casually mentioned my ex’s message.

I took a sip of my hot chocolate, trying to avoid my best friend’s scrutinizing gaze. I knew he would say that. Hell, my own pride said the same thing after reading those particular words.

“Yuuuuuri ~” Phichit whined, movie completely forgotten, and I sighed.

“I know, Phi. I also believe that nothing good would come from replying…”

“ But?”

I drew the outline of my cup with my finger before shrugging.

“I guess it’s mostly curiosity. You know how much I wondered if I had done the right thing back then. I never intended to tell him about Sun, but maybe I should have…”

Wiggling out of the fluffy blankets that cocooned him, Phichit came to my side and hugged me. I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder. My friend remained silent, allowing me to gather my thoughts.

“I hated him so much at the beginning, Phi, for destroying what we had, for running away like he did. I was so angry and sad, but after sometime I started to let go of those feelings. I realized that hating him was only hurting me, so I stopped and kind of forgave both of us…”

The arms around me squeezed me with affection and I smiled.

“I started going well after that, you know that’s true, you’ve seen it, but a part of me still wishes we could have ended our relationship on better agreements. I had given up that idea since I didn’t hear a thing from him since I left, but now…”

“Now he’s back and you think it could be your chance to put a clear end to everything.”

I just nodded and my younger friend kindly pushed me back to look in my eyes. He must have seen my determination to do whatever I thought was right no matter what he would say because he just sighed and nodded slowly.

“I still believe it’s not a good idea to let him back after all what happened,” he raised his hand to stop me from saying anything. “I know what you’re going to say and yes, you may be right about also having your part of blame in your breakup, but you didn’t act like an ass afterwards. Yuuri, you did some things wrong in the past and I won’t deny you were almost somebody else, but I also know how much it hurt you.”

My best friend took my hands and held them tightly, his brow was furrowed with concern and I felt guilty to worry him like that.

“Yuuri, it took you so long to be where you are now and I know you feel proud of all your accomplishments even if you still waver from time to time. You’ve also met wonderful people. So please, if you’re going to talk to him, don’t let him destroy all you’ve done until now, please. Promise me that, Yuuri. I don’t want to see you like last time again…”

I felt tears in my eyes and pulled Phichit against me, burrowing my face on his shoulder so he wouldn’t see. My friend’s voice was strangled by the emotion and I knew that he was also on the verge of tears. These last two years hadn’t been difficult only to me, but also for those around me and I promised myself and Sun to never put them through such hard times again.

“I don’t want him in my life like that again, Phichit, so don’t worry. I just want to settle things so I can fully move on.”

“If he refuses to give you answers, you’ll have to let go anyway, okay? You mustn’t hold on to him, begging for an explanation or I swear I’ll knock some sense in you with the frying pan, understood Katsuki?”

I chuckled at the threat and Phichit simply humphed in my hair before laughing quietly too. We stood in silence for a moment, watching the movie that we had forgotten. Captain Sparrow was about to get married to an ugly, rotten toothed woman when my friend nudged my shoulder. I glanced up curiously just to see a teasing smile.

“So, Yuuri ~”

Ugh, that never meant anything good. I brought back my attention to the movie and tried to ignore my best friend.

“How are things going with that sexy beta? What was his name again? Lucius?”

“Ludovik” I mumbled, sinking deeper into the covers to hide my blush.

“Ah? I didn’t hear you well, what did you say? Ludic? Like your interactions?”

I glared at the Thai man, but he smiled at me devilishly. I huffed and cleared my throat.

“His name is Ludovik, now stop making lame word games with his name or – wait, that rhymed…”

“See! He brings out the poet in you! How romantic!”

My friend laughed and I threw him a cushion to make him stop. Of course, it didn’t work. I chose to ignore him once again, but I knew he would ask again later. I hid my blushing face behind a big fluffy cushion that I held close to my chest and went back to the movie.

The rest of our night went uneventfully, talking about my work and Phichit’s master research. We didn’t mention my ex’s message again, but it was in the back of my mind the full time.

I was curious as to why he decided to reach out just now. If he had done so a few months after I left, I would have understood, but it had been two years and a half since that fatidic day. And that weird message.

I turned in my nest, hugging a pillow tightly, and sighed. He was in Japan. It made him think of me. I huffed, of course it would; I’m Japanese after all. What was he doing there? He still remembers about me gushing about kakis? With his forgetful mind, I thought it would have slipped off his memory.

Well, at least he knew he was weird. I tossed my covers and turned again. I was starting to give off a slightly frustrated omega smell that made Phichit whimper in his sleep. I glanced at my best friend sleeping on a mattress on the floor next to my bed and took a deep breath to calm down.

I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling for a while, trying to understand what was going through that silly alpha’s head and how to answer his message. I wanted to settle down some things from our conflicted past, but I didn’t know how to approach the matter.

From experience, I knew that asking directly would only make him crinkle and turn away. I would need to go slowly, but without subtlety since he was never good at getting clues.

I sighed and closed my eyes. A good night of sleep would help me clear my thoughts and I would respond in the morning with a fresh mind. It was a common knowledge that you must not write to your ex at 3 am if you didn’t want to regret it.

The next morning I woke up and took my phone. I stared at the message for a few minutes before finally typing my answer. After hitting the send button, I put my phone on my night table and stretched. If things go wrong, I’ll blame my curiosity.

I took a glance at Phichit’s sleeping form and smirked. I got up from my bed only to flop down over my friend who squeaked in surprise.

“Phiiii~ I’m hungry, make me breakfast!”

“Hate ya! Go make yourself breakfast, you’re in your house!” Phichit groaned while trying to get rid of me. We ended up giggling so much that I didn’t hear the little ping from a new message on my phone.

 

08: 43 **Katsuki Yuuri** : Hi! If I remember well, this is the season for kakis. 

You should be able to find some easily. Have you tried the public market?

And of course the sushi would be better in Japan. The food is delicious,

so try lots of it and enjoy your trip.

08:44 **Katsuki Yuuri** : I’m doing fine, thanks. And you, how are you doing?

 

08:51 **Victor Nikiforov** : Yuuri! I’m so glad! :D

I’m fine too, but a little lost to be honest.

You know how easily I get sidetracked,

but I’m trying to find my way back.

08:55 **Victor Nikiforov** : Yuuri! There are so

many different sorts of ramen, which

one do you recommend I try? D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I didn't think so many people would respond to last chapter! :O  
> I'm really glad you liked it, I enjoyed reading your comments! <3  
> So here's the new one, I'll try to release a chapter each week.  
> Once again, this isn't beta'd so please excuse me if there are some errors.  
> I was thinking of adding some kind of line of time with the main events that  
> happened until now in the story. It would be in the end notes, let me know if  
> you would be interested in that. I think it may help you to situate the story in time.  
> Leave kudos and comments, you motivate me to write! :D  
> Lots of love! <3  
> Ana


	4. Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter. A timeline of the main events that have happened up until now but that haven't been necessarily mentioned in the story. Don't hesitate to ask questions, it'll be a pleasure to answer. Some of the events in this timeline will be explained later in the story, but feel free to ask questions or leave comments. I'll post a timeline from time to time to let you know where we are. :)

June 2007 – First time they meet at the choral auditions. Yuuri and Phichit audition for singers’ positions while Victor auditions to become the pianist. They’re all 17 years old.

August 2007 – They meet each other again in their French literature class. It’s their senior year.

December 27th , 2007 – They start going out. They’re both 18 years old.

September 2008 - They start university. Yuuri is in dance and Victor studies physical engineering.

April 2009 - Victor meets Lauren and Christophe. Yuuri's family go back to Japan. They're 19 years old.

June 2009 - Yuuri has a minor accident. Victor makes a short road trip with his friends.

July 2010 - Phichit goes back to Thailand.

October 2010 – They move in together in their one bedroom flat. Last heat/rut they share. Victor goes to Russia with Christophe. They’re 20 years old.

December 23rd, 2010 – Victor calls to break up. Yuuri is 21 years old.

January 3rd, 2011 – Victor comes back from Russia and they start living together as roommates.

January 10th, 2011 – Yuuri discovers he’s expecting a baby and decides to call it Sun meanwhile since he doesn’t know the gender, but also because it becomes the light of his life. They’re 21 years old.

February 21st, 2011 – Day of the accident. The hospital calls Victor and he learns the truth. Yuuri loses Sun.

March 5th, 2011 – Yuuri goes back to Japan. It’s the last time they see each other.

October 2011 – Yuuri goes back to school for his last semester in his Dance major.

February 21st, 2011 – Sun’s 1st anniversary. They’re 22 years old.

March 2012 – Yuuri graduates and stars working at Minako’s studio.

November 2012 – Yuuri moves to Toronto where he starts working in the National Ballet School. He’s 23 years old.

January 2013 – Yuuri meets Ludovik. Phichit joins him in Toronto for university. Yuuri sends a letter to Detroit.

February 21st, 2013 – Sun’s 2nd anniversary. They’re both 23 years old.

March 2013 – Two years since the last time they saw each other.

July 2013 – Yuuri shares his heat with Ludovik. They’re a little more than friends, but not a couple and definitely not sexfriends.

September 24th, 2013 – Victor writes him about looking for kakis. They're 23 years old.


	5. Chapter 5

“You’ve been receiving a lot of texts lately,” my friend said after hearing a few consecutive pings from my cellphone. We were currently taking a break from practice and the dance studio was quiet allowing the sound from the notifications to be clearly heard.

“Is it someone I should be aware of?” he asked with an arched eyebrow, but with a teasing grin and I couldn’t help but to snort. I took a swig of water, looking at him with fondness.

“As if anybody could take your place, even Phichit feels threatened by you. You should be more aware of his revenge for supposedly taking his best-friend spot.”

He chuckled and sat down next to me on the floor.

“Tell him already that I wouldn’t dare to steal his title and that I’m simply a cuddle friend since you’re a cautious Japanese.”

He gently bumped my shoulder with his and I returned the gesture before grabbing his hand. I started playing with his fingers in silence and he simply let me, allowing me to gather my thoughts. That was something I always appreciated about him, how he knew when to push and when to give me space.

After a moment, I let my head fall against his shoulder with a deep sigh. He squeezed softly my hand, asking silently if I was alright and I squeezed back.

“You’re so much more than a cuddle friend, Ludovik…” I whispered. “You bring me peace and comfort; you’ve brought stability into my messed up life. You’re my safe haven, you silly Highlander.”

He buried his face in my hair, stifling his laugh and I couldn’t help the small smile on my lips. It was always like this with him, simple moments and little joys always full of gratitude. I scooted closer and he put his arm around my shoulders, nuzzling the top of my head. I almost felt like purring.

“Oh leannan,” he sighed the Gaelic endearment with such affection that I felt warmth blossom on my cheeks. “You’re the one that keeps saving me from my own past.”

I just took his hand and squeezed it in understanding, there was nothing to say and we stayed in a comfortable silence until another ping broke the tranquility of the moment. I let a heavy sigh escape my lips before moving to get up. I was feeling a flash of exasperation rise inside of me as I could easily guess who was sending so many messages and it wasn’t Phichit.

It had been almost three weeks since he sent the first message and replying to his nonsense had opened the floodgates: he kept sending messages nonstop. It was as if he was trying messily to catch up the lost time; asking if I had seen the new Hunger Games, which used to be one of our favorite series, if I still danced, if I remembered his best friend Chris because -surprise! - he was engaged (and I was indeed surprised), if I had tried the famous spiced latte…

Normally his ramblings didn’t bother me, because honestly I was curious about those silly things, but it slightly annoyed me how easily he made the conversation as if the last three years never happened and we were just friends catching up after a long summer vacation.

I digged my phone from my sport bag with intention of telling him to stop spamming my box mail or I would simply block him, but just froze when I saw his last message. I scrolled up the conversation and then saw a picture he had sent a little while before.

It was an old picture from when were still teens. We had just started going out; we were staying at his house with his family. He’s aunt was visiting them and had brought her young son. The adults had asked us if we could babysit his cousin so they could spend the evening out. I never thought someone had taken a picture; it must have been his mother.

 

20:17 **Victor Nikiforov** : I was telling my  
mom that you're teaching little kids ballet  
and she sent me this. I didn't even know  
she had taken that photo. :O

20:18 **Victor Nikiforov** :

 

20: 19 **Victor Nikiforov** : Yura has changed  
a lot! You wouldn't be able to recognize him  
if you met in the streets, but he's still adorable!

20:22 **Victor Nikiforov** : Oh, my mom says  
‘Hello’ by the way. She says you must be a  
great teacher for the littles ones since you  
always loved children. I think so too, you must  
be amazing! Those kids are lucky! ;D

20: 25 **Victor Nikiforov** : It feels like ages ago,  
Makkachin was still just a puppy. His mom died  
two years ago, it was quite a blow to my mom. :(

20:39 **Victor Nikiforov** : Yuuri… it may be weird,  
but… can I call you?

20:39 **Victor Nikiforov** : I mean, I understand if  
you refuse, you can!

20:39 **Victor Nikiforov** : Omg, this is weird…  
I’m sorry, it’s obvious you wouldn’t want to,  
I’m sorry, just forget it!

 

More apologies kept coming and I could only stare at the new messages without knowing how to react. Ludovik must have sensed my distress, because he was suddenly by my side. He took my phone without glancing at it and shut it down before taking me in his arms. Even though he was a beta, he was able to slightly smell alphas and omegas’ scents and I surely reeked of pained omega.

That photo. The way he looked at me. How happy we both were. We could have been something like that. We could have looked like that with our child if I had been able to protect our little Sun, if we had been strong enough to save our couple, if we…

“Yuuri. Breathe with me, mo leannan.”

Ludovik’s clear voice cut through my spiralling thoughts and I felt his hand cupping my cheek, his forehead gently pressed against mine, his emerald eyes searching mine until he found them. He smiled reassuringly and took a deep breath. I copied him and synchronized my breathing with his.

After a few minutes and many deep breaths, I finally calmed down and whispered a small thank you. A brush of lips against my forehead was my answer and I couldn’t help the tear that rolled down my cheek.

If Ludovik noticed, he didn’t say a thing, just tightening his embrace and I was grateful for his silent closeness. I wasn’t even sure how to describe what I was feeling and I was even less sure if I wanted to put words on it.

Almost twenty minutes later, Ludovik and I decided to call it a night and left the dance studio. He walked me home, making small talk and keeping his arm around my waist in support. We arrived at the door of my building and I fidgeted.

“If you need me to stay, you know you just have to ask.” He reminded me gently and I blushed lightly, but seriously thinking about it.

“Thanks, Ludo,” I took a deep breath and steeled myself. When I looked up, he was smiling fondly at me, knowing my decision.

“No worries, mo leannan. I’ll be there when you’ll be ready to talk and I’ll still be there even if you decide to keep it secret. I believe in your decisions.”

“Tell me again why we’re not dating?” I groaned jokingly as I hugged him, touched by his words.

“Because you’re a cautious Japanese and I’m a silly Highlander, remember?” He returned the embrace chuckling.

We stood there, simply enjoying each other’s warmth for a moment, lightly laughing at our inside joke. When we finally parted ways, I was calmer. I took the stairs to the third floor, wondering what would be better between a quick shower and a hot bath. Once in my little flat I felt the fatigue from the last hour and opted for a shower.

I stood under the hot stream for a while, not completely sure about what I was thinking, I was so out of it that I didn’t even register my own thoughts. I finally got out of the bathroom after what felt like hours and went up to the mezzanine that was my bedroom after retrieving my cellphone from my bag.

I pressed the power button and plugged it to the charger. Many pings were heard in my silent apartment, but I turned my back to it and went to sleep. I dreamed of a giggling little boy with azure eyes and wavy dark hair in my arms and the same azure eyes of the child’s father looking tenderly at us. _Yuuri_ , he said lovingly.

I woke up in a start, covered in sweat and my heart pounding. I reached for my cellphone in the darkness, not bothering to put on my glasses and squinted at the luminous screen. I didn’t think, I didn’t even stop to realize that it was past three o’clock in the morning. I just pressed the call button. He picked up after the fourth tone.

“Yuu -”

“No please, don’t say my name!” I cut him with a raspy voice in between the whisper and the shout. It would definitely be different from the way he said it in my dream and I didn’t want to know what would hurt more: to notice the difference or to –may be- hear the same emotion for real.

It was silent for a moment apart from my frantic breathing and then he murmured so low that I almost missed it.

“I’m sorry, Yuu -” he stopped, catching his slipping. “Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked in a murmur and I heard some shifting in the other side of the line.

“Because I did wrong.” He gulped. My phone was shaking against my ear. “I was wrong. Guess I still am.”

I kept silent, I could almost hear him fidgeting nervously.

“Please…” he breathed and I felt warm tear escape from my eye.

“How are your mom and dad?” I finally asked in the same tome and he released a small sigh.

“They’re busy like always, you know how they are. Mom is working in the hospital as the head of her department and my dad has a new project. Something about drawing plans for a new shopping mall or something. And your family? Is your mom still making delicious katsudon?”

I laughed softly at his last question; it was so much like him.

“You’re always only thinking about food, aren’t you?”

“Of course! I live to eat, you know it!” There was that playfulness in his voice that was normally accompanied by a heart-shaped smile.

It was so easy to hear his voice again and remember his expressions just with his tone. I felt a smile tug the corner of my lips at the same time as sadness lodged itself heavily in my chest.

“My parents are running a new onsen along with Mari. They’re doing well. Minako often visits them and ends up drunk with my dad like always. It’s quite embarrassing.”

He laughed softly and I smiled a little bit more. It was so familiar and strange at the same time. This was going to end up bad if I didn’t hang up the phone soon. I had to. I really had to, but I didn’t. Neither did him. And so we talked until the sounds of the waking city alerted us of the time. It was almost six o’clock.

We talked for almost three hours about random things, not even going near what I had intended to talk about with him: the photo, Sun, ask explanations. Why. How. It was terrifying how easy it was to fall into simple, happy chattering with him. Just like in the past. I mentally slapped myself.

“Woah, I need to get ready for uni soon… Time always flies by when I’m with you.”

Yes, so easy to fall back into how we used to be. And how easily he still said that kind of things without realizing what they meant.

“Mmm” I hummed, not sure what to say. I closed my eyes. I had to say it.

“That photo -” “About the photo -”

We both tried at the same time, staying silent for a moment after realizing that we were thinking about the same thing, but not necessarily in the same ways.

“Sorry, I’ll ask my mother to dispose of it…” he finally whispered, breaking our silence and at the same time breaking something inside of me.

“Mmm” I hummed again, bitterly. “I don’t think we need that kind of things anymore, you can do as you please. Well then, I gotta go too, so -”

“Wait!”

“Mmm?”

“Can we talk like this again soon, Yuuri?”

 _Yuuri_.

The world stopped for a moment. I just felt my lips moving, another warm tear rolling down my cheek and tasted salt on my lips.

“Sorry.”

Again? That word, I wanted to hear it from him, but not like this. It felt like a broken record, just repeating the same lines.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because I did wrong…”

I closed my eyes. Yes, indeed, he was wrong for just throwing apologies without even explaining why he apologized.

“I need to go, Ludovik will be waiting for me to do our morning jog.”

“…Okay, have a nice day.”

I hang up with a sigh. Why did it always have to end like this? It was the same in the past. We would talk freely for a moment, in harmony, just to deflate at the most crucial moment.

I stared tiredly at the ceiling, trying to understand what just happened. I took my phone again and texted Ludovik to come in and have breakfast with me instead of jogging. I definitely didn’t have enough energy to go run.

Another moment passed and I groaned in frustration, ruffling my dark hair before reaching for my cellphone again and writing a message with a huff. I threw the device on the mattress and went down, heading to the bathroom.

I heard the door open after a few minutes and groaned when Ludovik commented with humor that it smelled like the den of a murderer. With a smile, he flopped down in a stool by the counter in the kitchen and waited for me.

I got out of the bathroom, walked behind him and laid my head heavily on his shoulder blade. I whined which made him chuckle.

“Help, I’m screwed…I'm the silly one now.”

 

06:12 **Yuuri Katsuki** : You too have a nice day :)

06:16 **Victor Nikiforov** : Thanks Yuuri!! 〜٩( ╹▿╹ )۶〜

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ludovik is here, I hope you'll love him! :D  
> It's a rather short chapter, sorry about it, but I had to cut it or else it would be too long (and I would lose track of where I was going). The next one is already started so it should be posted in the next few days.  
> And regarding Victor's POV, I've come to a decision: there will be two parts for this story. This one, told by Yuuri, and the second part will be continued by Victor. Wait for it, please. ^^  
> And I'll leave the links to these two photos here. Credits to their rightful artists.  
> \- [The photo Victor's mom took of them.](https://static.zerochan.net/Yuri!!!.On.Ice.full.2082580.jpg)  
> \- [Yuuri's apartment](http://www.delightfurnishing.com/modules//smartblog/images/14.jpg) looks a lot like this one, except that there's no dining table, that the couch is cozy and less 'classy' and that he has plants everywhere.
> 
> Enjoy and don't hesitate to leave comments, I really appreciate it! <3
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Analys


	6. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not an update.

Hi, beautiful readers of Analys!

I'm the author's sister with the mission of telling you that my sis hasn't given up in this story and is still writting it (well, more like recording it, if you know of some app that writes what you dictate, she'll be grateful).   
To make it short, she had a pretty bad car accident (lovely winters in Canada can be a bitch) and broke one arm and the other is slightly paralized. BUT fear not! She's doing better and should be out of the hospital this week. She's only waiting for one of her arms to be fine to put her story in here.  
Meanwhile, she apologizes for the long waiting period without giving you any news and promises that she loves you all and can't wait to give you another chapter.

Thanks for you understanding,   
Analys and her sister (me).  
Peace, folks!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT! <3 <3  
> It really warmed my heart to read all your comments and couldn't bring my self to erase them. You're all so wonderful and I'm really grateful to have you! Really thanks! <3
> 
> I'm doing fine, I'm feeling better. I'll have to go through physiotherapy since my left side is slightly paralyzed, but the doctors said it would be fine with time. :)
> 
> I've got a lot of time to think about this story and like my sister said before, I'm recording my ideas and writing them slowly. I tried the voice detector app, but I couldn't get used to it, so I wrote it slowly when they let me near my pc haha.  
> The chapters will be a little smaller and maybe a little slower than before, but be sure that I haven't given up. ;)
> 
> Once again, THANK YOU!! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! <3

“He came back…”

I held my breath for a moment, looking carefully at my mug of coffee with brows furrowed. Ludovik didn’t say anything; he patiently waited for the rest of my words. I had told him about it already after answering that confusing first message, I had said the same things I had to Phichit and my Scot friend had understood. He had smiled fondly, ruffled my hair and assured he would be there if I ever needed him, but I hadn’t talked to him about it since then. I didn’t have to, but right now… I reached for my phone and opened the messenger app.

“I didn’t open my door to him, but I responded to his message cautiously… and then he sent me this photo.”

I handed my friend the cellphone to show him and he took it, examining it carefully. I carded my fingers through my hair in an annoying mix of frustration and anxiety, my pheromones heavy in the air. Without looking up from the photo, Ludo’s hand reached for mine and squeezed reassuringly. His thumb drew soothing circles on my skin and I relaxed a little bit when his fresh beta scent enveloped me. When he finished his examination of the picture, he looked into my eyes with a small smile and nodded for me to continue. Breathe. Exhale. 

“I had a dream, one of those…”

I gestured vaguely with my hand, my throat going dry at the memory of it. A gentle caress over my hand reassured me that Ludovik understood and I continued:

“I don’t know why I did it, but I called him. He had asked me if he could call me after sending the photo. I didn’t want to, calling him would be the equivalent of slightly opening up my door and… Ludo, it was so stupid to call him!”

I dropped my head on the counter with a loud ‘thump’ and whimpered a little at the pain it caused. I closed my eyes and cursed myself again for being such an idiot. I let out a heavy sigh and turned my head so I could rest my cheek on the wooden surface and glanced at my friend. He was staring at me pensively.

“Why is it stupid?” He softly asked and I sat up quickly, paling when I realized how rude what I said could be.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry! Ludo, you know that wasn’t what I meant! I-I’m not saying that you-”

“It’s not me we’re talking about, Yuuri.” He interrupted my rambling with a firm, but kind voice. “I didn’t take it that way so stop worrying.”

A corner of his mouth twitched with a little bit of amusement and I relaxed, mumbling a last apology.

“So tell me, why was it stupid to call him? What did you do wrong? Did he ask you to take him back and you agreed?”

“No! God, no!” I exclaimed in obfuscation and horror. “I still don’t know why he contacted me again, but I do know what I want and that’s not him!”

The smile that Ludovik gave me filled my chest with warmth: it was understanding and proud, knowing. I felt the tension in my shoulders disappear and I relaxed into a small smile. He knew me better than I did and knew how to make me see my resolutions.

“See, you’re not the silly one yet, you’re still the cautious one.”

He teasingly gave my forehead a fillip and rolled my eyes.

“Well, not that cautious… I guess I’m really curious about who he’s become after all this time and to be honest… I do miss the friendship we once had before being a couple…”

“But you were deceived by what you’ve seen so far, right?”

I nodded slowly, taking a sip of coffee.

“I thought that maybe he had changed and that was the reason why he had contacted me again: to give a proper closure to our past. That he wanted the same thing as me.” A sigh escaped my lips and I looked at my reflection on the dark liquid. “But he kept going in circles and I dared to hope that he would be more honest if we heard each other’s voice… it didn’t make a difference, it just made me feel as if I was a teenager again.”

I looked up again and my gaze was firm again when I met Ludo’s green eyes.

“I didn’t like it. I left that weak version of me in the past and I don’t want it back. I know what I want and what I need; he’s neither. I…”

The words blocked in my throat and I had to swallow hard before regaining my voice again.

“I-I’ll have to face him directly soon and then… say goodbye for good no matter what his answer is.”

Ludo smiled gently and got up, walking around the counter. He opened his arms in invitation and I stood up too, dropping my head on his shoulder. His embrace was secure, ever so gentle as he rocked my slowly. He rubbed my back comfortingly and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“You’re strong Yuuri, never doubt it.” He whispered next to my ear. “And your strength is beautiful, nobody can take it away from you, mo leannan.”

I hugged him more tightly and nuzzled his neck. He didn’t have scent glands, but the perfume of his skin calmed me. He smelled like a fresh summer day, warm and earthy, of comfort and security. I got on my tiptoes and kissed softly his jaw, my hands slowly caressing his back. I felt the press of his lips against the shell of my ear and shivered pleasantly.

“Ludovik, I want to share my next heat with you…”

It was a soft whisper against the skin of his jaw before his mouth found mine in a slow kiss. The contact was languid, a tender touch between two souls that trusted each other, who knew each other’s pain because they had almost the same past. Ludovik murmured his answer against my mouth and we stayed in each other’s arms for a long moment, just enjoying the closeness.

“We’ll inform the school dance of our absence for the next week and we’ll go buy supplies for your heat then. Where do you want to spend it?”

We were still rocking gently in my kitchen; Ludo’s voice just a low whisper in the quiet. I hummed against the fabric of his shirt, thinking were I would prefer to make my nest. Just thinking of my friend’s large bed full of his scent made me moan in anticipation and my body released a little cloud of happy and excited pheromones that affected Ludovik if his muffled whine was anything to go by.

“Yours, please?”

I asked in a breath and he chuckled gently.

“Of course, mo leannan, it’ll be a pleasure.”

He kissed my hair.

“But for now, let’s calm down or we won’t be able to leave your place.”

“Why do you need to be the voice of reason…” I pouted, but slowly let go of the Highlander. “I’ll fetch my sport bag and we can head to the dance school, give me five.”

The rest of the day went well, I didn’t receive any new messages and it was fine. I had made up my mind and would face him. This time I was ready, I was older, stronger and I had Ludovik by my side. Moreover, he was most likely still in Detroit while I was in Toronto, not only in another city, but also in another country. He didn’t even know that I lived in Toronto, I never mentioned it. There was a distance between us that would only be helpful when the moment of saying goodbye would come again.

I had nothing to be afraid of, it would go fine, but any decision concerning him would have to wait until after my heat. I spent the rest of the week preparing for it with Ludo’s help, buying lube and condoms, making sure my contraception was fine and stocking food and water. I also enjoyed preparing my nest in his bed, staying at Ludovik’s a few nights before the start of my heat and had to endure Phichit’s teasing when I told him I would be out of reach for a week and that he didn’t need to check up on me since my Scot friend would take care of me.

Some of our close colleagues at the school dance also teased us, but they were all respectful. They knew Ludo and I were close and we had something special going on, but they were never indiscreet about it and we were grateful about it. What we didn’t know was that there was also someone else who had seen us together at the pharmacy in an alley that didn’t leave any doubt about what we were preparing for and that it would change many things.

 

19:48 **Victor Nikiforov** : Hey, Yuuri, can I ask you something?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuf! It took so long to get this chapter done but I'm happy to tell you that my broken arm is almost fully recovered and they'll take off the plaster next week: yay! :D Therapy is going well too, but it is sometimes frustrating to not be able to do things that were mundane before. But I shall not despair and all your lovely comments helped me through it! So thank you so, so much!
> 
> Now, for this chapter, there is a tiiiiiiny smut scene that boils down to the whole paragraph that starts with ''That's my line.'' You can skip it if you want. :) Chapter a little bit longer than the ones before and with a lot of stuff, but I didn't know where to cut it without breaking the pace. I hope you'll enjoy it! Don't hesitate to leave comments, I LOVE reading your musings!  
> Also, I'm starting a playlist on Spotify for those who are interested. :)
> 
> Love, Analys. <3

The five days that my heat lasted were enjoyable, tiring but somehow relaxing. It was the second time that I spent it with Ludovik and even if it was different from the ones I had in the past since he was a beta, I could honestly say that I had been perfectly pleased and felt content.    
   
Ludovik was an attentive   lover, always putting my pleasure and comfort before his own. He knew when to be tender and when to be rougher. I couldn’t help but wonder if such expertise came with time or if it was something that some just naturally possessed.    
   
Him... he was different, he used to - No, such things didn’t matter anymore. Memories belonged in the past and they could stay there.   
   
A hand brushed some locks out of my face in a gentle gesture and I smiled. It was the last day of my heat, a day mostly for cuddles and rest, a day to take care of each other. We slept in and if the light coming through the curtains was anything to go by, it was almost midday.    
   
''Hey,'' I croaked and a kiss in the corner of my eye was the answer I received. I hummed, content, and looked up to meet my friend’s luminous green eyes. His brown locks were tangled and he had slight dark circles under his eyes, but his smile was soft and loving in that particular way that we loved each other.   
   
I lifted my hand and touched his cheek delicately, as if afraid to see him vanish like a mirage. I still couldn’t believe that he was real, that the universe had granted me such wonderful gift. He was my safe heaven. The one person I couldn’t actually let go without seeing my world turn grey. I needed him the same way people needed a warm blanket on cold nights: I could do without him, but he reassured me and made life happier.   
   
The way he looked at me told me that he was thinking the same thing and I tipped my chin gently, grazing his lips with as he whispered a thanks.    
 

''That’s my line,'' I gently chided, touching his nose with mine for an eskimo kiss. He laughed breathlessly and I silenced him with my hand sliding down his torso. He shuddered and soon his lips found mine, languid and slow, lust pooling heavily between our bodies. Ludovik rolled us, his body hot over mine, his hands mapping my skin with carefully contained urgency. I carded my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, my grasp firm and exigent and he gripped my hips in answer, urging me to grind against him. I spread my legs and he slotted his body against mine, our breaths shortened, pants filling the room as our grinding and open-mouthed kisses brought us closer to release. We came almost at the same time, muffling our pleasured moans in the crook of the other’s neck.   
   
We stayed like that for a moment, coming down from our high. When we finally separated, there was some shyness in our eyes, but the gurgling from our stomachs cut it short.   
   
''’I guess it’s time to eat,'' I chuckled as we got up, whipping ourselves with a discarded shirt.   
   
''Go take a shower first, I’ll start breakfast,'' Ludo said with a smile and I complied easily.   
   
Once under the hot water, I let my thoughts wander to the special bond between Ludovik and I. I always felt the need to put my relationships in categories: friends, family, colleagues, students, people to avoid, etc.   
    
It helped keep my anxiety at bay. It was almost a necessity or else I would stress over not knowing how to interact with the others. However, Ludovik wasn’t in any of those categories. I called him my friend, but it was more than that. I would never spend a heat with Phichit, for example, an he was my best friend. He was my colleague at the school dance, but he didn’t stay in that box for long after I got close to him.  

Most people looked at us and  labeled us as a happy couple, but we weren’t dating either. I knew that Ludovik felt something special for me and the feeling was mutual. It just wasn’t that kind of love. Surprisingly enough, not knowing how to name our relationship didn’t make me anxious. He was simply "Ludovik" and when we were together we were only "Yuuri and Ludovik." Maybe it didn’t stress me because I knew that we weren’t heading nowhere dangerous.   
 

 _''Whoa, I never thought that you would get a_ _fuckfriend_ _, but if you’re at ease with that decision, then I’m glad for_ _you.''_  

 _Phichit_ _was saying through a spoonful of ice cream, eyes wide after I told him that I had spent my heat with someone. I had spent all of my heats alone after my break up, the idea of getting a boyfriend just impossible. Even less the one of_ _friend with benefits. I shook my head, lips pursed._  

 _''You're wrong, we're not like that. We didn't sleep together...'' I started, but at the unimpressed raised eyebrow of my friend I flushed and quickly explained: ''I mean we do sleep together, but there's no real sex and – don't look at me like that!''_  

 _''No real sex? Yuuri, really?'' My best friend asked in mild amusement._  

 _I hid my face in my hands, whining in_ _embarrassment and refusing to look at_ _Phichit_ _when he poked me and I squirmed._  

 _''_ _Yuuuuuri_ _, explain what you mean!'' He_ _sing-_ _songed_ _with clear amusement, his poking almost ticklish._ _Why_ _was I friends with him again?_  

 _''I mean that_ _he has_ _never put his dick inside!'' I shouted and only realized it when the_ _Thai_ _omega stopped and looked at me speechless. I made a sound like a dying whale and smacked my head on the table._  

 _''Woah,'' my friend laughed and I glared at him. ''But then what exactly did you do_ _during your heat? Played cards?''_  

 _''Ugh. I hate you, Phi.'' I_ _groaned but_ _looked up and huffed in annoyance before_ _explaining. ''We_ _touched each other and used toys, we kissed and tried many_ _Kamasutra_ _poses that didn't imply putting his... that didn't require penetration. Now eat your ice cream before I change my mind and kick you out.''_  

 _''Ok, ok,_ _so,_ _he's your cuddle friend.''_ _Phichit_ _chuckled and quickly put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth when_ _I just_ _glared menacingly._  

 _''Call it as you wish, it doesn't matter,'' I grumpily said and my best friend smiled fondly._  

 _''As long as you respect each other and it makes both of you happy, what it's called doesn't matter, Yuuri. Good things_ _don't_ _need a label.''_  

I turned off the water and got out of the shower, remembering that evening with my best friend and still agreeing with Phichit's words. The other omega never asked why Ludovik and I never went farther physically and I was grateful. I was something that we naturally agreed to and it was more than enough. We mostly only cuddled and kissed, the steamy make out sessions rarer that what most people thought. We also were at ease with public demonstrations of affections, often holding hands, hugging or slinging affectionately an arm around the other. 

 _''As long as you respect each other and it makes both of you happy, what it's called doesn't matter, Yuuri. Good things don't need a label.''_  

When I walked into the dining room, it was to find my friend staring at his phone as if he has received news announcing the end of the world. Silently, I walked to him and lightly brushed his elbow. He looked up and I pointed the kitchen with my head, he nodded with a tight smile and walked out to the balcony. 

Once in the kitchen, I went to fridge and pulled out the ingredients for an omelette after turning on the coffee machine. I had a bad feeling about whatever Ludovik was looking at on his phone. I started cutting some veggies, trying to think positively, wishing my friend mundane little problems if not good news, but the bad feeling persisted. 

I knew that my Scot friend had an unfinished relationship, one he could put an end to if only he could make peace with his past and accept that the million questions he had remained unanswered. Easier said than done, I knew that all too well. I was more or less in the same situation, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to stay in that grey zone for seven years just like Ludovik did. He called himself 'the silly one' because of it and I was nicknamed 'the cautious one' since I was wary with those trying to approach my heart. It fitted us, but I still wasn't sure if loving someone so sincerely could be called silly. 

In my opinion, it was her indecisiveness that was silly, if not right out stupid. I could understand her pain, but she had a partner that only asked to be included, ready to support her and share her sorrow. Running away was comprehensible at first, but now... If she had moved or decided she couldn't come back to how things were between them, the least she could do was to let him go and give him some clear closure. 

I had wished for  _him_  to do half what Ludovik was willing to do for her and I think that Ludo wished she had demanded at least half what I had pleaded for. I sighed and set the table, the omelette almost ready.  

''If only we knew how to cope with our personal ghosts...'' I whispered while pouring two mugs of coffee. Not because I wanted our exes out of our lives or because I wanted Ludovik all to myself, but because we deserved to be happy. Right? Well, I guess it was mostly our fault for being... hopeless romantics? Naïve people? Huge introverts? Another sigh. Or just plainly unable to let go of the past. Some kind of masochists? 

''She's in town,'' Ludovik suddenly said, startling me. I turned around to look at him and what I saw made my heart ache. I put my mug down and walked to him, pulling him in a comforting hug. I guided his face to my neck and released soothing pheromones that relaxed his tensed shoulders, but his hands were shaking when he grabbed my shirt. I held him closer, softly caressing his hair. 

Up until now, she had only written to him, sometimes leaving short voicemails, always giving hope just to suddenly go off radar again, changing her cellphone number so he couldn't reach her, but she had never come to town. Or if she had, she never told him. Why now? Was she finally ready to see him and honestly face his questions? 

''She congratulated us,'' he breathed with a humorless laugh and it took me a moment to understand what it implied. 

''When?'' I asked, but I had an idea of when she might had seen us so she arrived at that conclusion. I cursed her in my mind for being so unfair with Ludovik. Be it me or another, didn't he deserve to be happy and start anew? Why did she have to act like that? 

''The day we were at the store for your heat supplies,'' he mumbled tiredly. Ah, knew it. I didn't say anything, there was nothing to say and saying 'sorry' wasn't the right thing to say. Neither of us had done something wrong. ''Let's eat, I'll tell you more later.'' 

We ate in silence, our shoulders touching, the brief contact conveying that I would be there to support him. After eating, while washing the dishes, he softly told me that she had texted him during my heat, when both our phones were turned off, about random things. Receiving no answer, she had bluntly said that she had caught a glimpse of us and understood he was busy with his new boyfriend. She congratulated him saying it was time he had finally found a cute lover, that we looked great together and hoped they could be friends before asking if he wanted to grab a coffee soon so they could catch up the lost time.  

''They're the same,'' I commented, both rolling our eyes at the nonsensical behavior of our ex-partners. We were sitting in the living room with mugs of coffee, each one at the extremity of the couch, facing each other, a fluffy blanket covering our tangled legs.  

I sipped my beverage, carefully studying my dance partner. ''You're gonna see her,'' I stated and he stared at his coffee as if looking for an answer. 

''I want a closure, Yuuri. It's the first time she offers me that opportunity. I need to see her, to at least make sure that she's doing fine,'' he finally whispered and I nodded in comprehension. He smiled gratefully and I asked whoever listened our prayers to please be kind with my dear friend. 

The rest of the day went by smoothly, no longer talking about exes and what could be going on in their heads. We watched a movie, cuddling under the blankets, and had a late supper before going to bed early. We both had work the next morning and needed to be well rested. 

The next day, we headed to work and resumed our routine easily. It was only during lunch break, after recharging my phone, that I saw all the messages I had missed. Some were from Phichit asking if I wanted to grab some food with him after my heat and others were from my family asking how I was doing, but most of them were from him. 

 

19:48  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Hey, Yuuri, can I ask you something? 

 

19:50  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Do you think you could give Yura ballet lessons? 

My mom kind of told my aunt that you teach 

Ballet and since then they insist that I ask you 

About it. Even little Yuri keeps asking about it. 

 

20:11  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Yuuri? If you don't want to, it's fine. I'll tell them  

Your classes are full. 

 

22:37  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Goodnight, Yuuri. Have sweet dreams. 

 

   -24/09/2013- 

 

07:03  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Morning, Yuuri! Have a wonderful day! 

 

11:18  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

I had such a good class this morning! We had 

To work on a laser! It was so exiting! Did I tell 

You that lasers are amazing? 

 

17:47  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

How was your day? I hope it was great. 

21:36  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

...Yuuri? Did I upset you with yesterday's question? 

I'm sorry if I did! Don't be mad please, I'll tell 

My family not to be intrusive, so please talk to me? 

 

23:52  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

...goodnight, Yuuri, rest well. 

 

  -25/09/2013- 

 

13:29  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Yuuri, are you well? You haven't been online for  

Awhile, are you alright? 

 

13:33  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Omg that sounded creepy! I swear I'm not a 

Freaky stalker! I'm just worried! I'm no stalker! 

You know I wouldn't make a good stalker 

Anyway, right? 

 

I couldn't help but to snort in amusement at his ramblings, unaware of the almost fond smile that his messages had brought. I kept scrolling down, reading all his theories about why I wasn't answering and ended up laughing earnestly when his last message asked if I had been murdered by a thief after I had found him trying to steal my precious plants. I could see that he was joking, but that he was also genuinely worried about my lack of answer and prolonged absence.  

 

Still chuckling, I tapped and answer: 

 

12:28  **Yuuri** **Katsuki** **:**  

I'm alive, stop being a drama queen. I 

Was out of reach for a few days, but  

Everything is fine. And my plants are alright. 

 12:29  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

THANK GOD! 

12:29  **Yuuri** **Katsuki** **:**  

You're impossible.   

12:30  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Am not! 

12:30  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

I'm glad you're fine then! What were  

You doing for the pasts days? ^^ 

 12:33  **Yuuri** **Katsuki** **:**  

Can I not answer that question?

 12:33 **Yuuri** **Katsuki** **:**  

As for Yuri's lessons, I would love to 

Be his instructor, but it won't be possible since 

I'm not in Detroit. Tell him I'm sorry.

12:34  **Victor** **Nikiforov** **:**  

Ah. Ok. Don't apologize, I'll tell 

Them. Maybe when you'll be back then? 

And then we could maybe see each other 

When I'll be back after the end of the semester?  

 

12:40  **Yuuri** **Katsuki** **:**  

… I’m not going back to Detroit, actually 

I never returned... I live in another city, so 

I don't think seeing each other will be possible. 

 12: 41  **Yuuri** **Katsuki** **:**  

Gotta go. Sorry again for Yuri, tell him I say hi. 

 

 

I didn't wait for a reply and shut down the message app. I knew I had decided to face him, to ask him why he contacted me and what was he looking for, but I still hadn't made up a plan. Maybe to call him, but he had caught me unguarded. To see him again? I certainly wasn't ready for such a thing. I didn't even know what to think about him asking. Ugh, moreover, I admitted that I wasn't in Detroit. It hadn't been my intention to tell him my whereabouts. I just hoped he wouldn't ask where I currently lived or I would have to lie and I disliked the idea. 

 

''What's with them, asking randomly to meet again...'' I muttered with annoyance while heading back to my studio to practice.  

 

The school had a show upcoming soon and the teaching body was asked to perform too. We had a number including all the instructors, then everyone had a solo piece and those who wanted to do more could. I had teamed up with Ludovik  and a few others teachers for an additional number and we couldn't wait to show it to the public.  

 

The rest of the day was uneventful and I was glad to be finally back to my own flat at the end of the evening. My Highlander friend needed sometime on his own to sort through his thoughts before seeing his ex-girlfriend and I was just happy to be in my space again. Not that I didn't enjoy Ludo's presence, quite the opposite, but I just loved the independence that living by myself procured me. 

 

I took care of my plants, eat lightly and went to bed without looking my messages. The next days were a duplicate: wake up, go to the dance school, practice, come back home, sleep and repeat. When I finally gathered up the courage to open message app, it was to see that he hadn't replied after my last announcement. He read it but didn't respond. I frowned, not sure how I felt about it. 

 

I didn't press the matter and continued my routine. He didn't reach out and neither did I, soon forgetting about it, concentrating on the show. October ended and with November came the performance. Being the National Ballet School, the event attracted a lot of ballet lovers and arts journalists. Students and teachers were buzzing with excitement and nerves.  

 

It was with pride filling my chest that I saw my students take the stage and awe the spectators with their abilities. Most of my classes were with the younger dancers and I enjoyed teaching them the basics, seeing their progress and how little by little they mastered the movements, but teaching the seniors was exiting. There were so many possibilities, so many pieces to explore compared to debutants classes. They finished their presentation wonderfully, the public showing their appreciation with loud clapping and amazed bravos. They walked out of the scene and some hugged me, all laughing, some crying from the emotion of their first performance. That, that pure emotion that only dance could create was what had captured my heart in my childhood and still sent my heart roaring. 

 

After a short break, it was the turn of the instructors to demonstrate their talents and show our students and the public that there was always more ways to improve and bring their dance to higher levels. It passed so fast, my heart beating loudly between my ears, my cheeks red from the effort and a wild smile on my lips. The performance I had with Ludo and our colleagues made the audience laugh: our male version of Swan Lake was a success. More instructors went to the scene and then we arrived at the final performance. Ludovik gave me a smile, some teachers clapped my back amicably and a few students cheered me on while I walked up to the middle of the scene. 

 

The soft notes of 'Another Day' filled the scene and I felt the music vibrate in my body. I closed my eyes and let the melody guide me through every step.  _I am alive_ , I said through a jump.  _I live for you_ , my hand pointing to the sky confessed.  _I'll show you this beautiful world_ , a pirouette promised.  _So please, rise with me for another day, my little morning star, my lovely Sun, my_ _child,_ agrand jeté asked with fervor and when my feet touched the ground, a shiver ran over my skin, making me smile confidently. This dance was for my little Sun to show him that I was doing my best to make him proud up in the sky, to tell him that I hadn't forgotten him and that he was my inspiration and motivation. The melody came to an end and I walked out of the scene, turning my back to a cheering crowd.  

 

In the back stage, my colleagues and students came running to me and congratulated me about my performance, complimenting my dancing and making me blush uncontrollably. Ludovik came and hugged me, the look in his eyes telling me that he had understood the message I had sent to my son.  

 

''He must be proud of you, Yuuri. You were amazing,'' he whispered softly so only I could hear him and I felt tears form in the corner of my eyes. ''Come, it's time receive the cheers of our public.'' 

 

All the dancers went to the stage to receive the appreciation of the spectators that were still loudly stating how much they had enjoyed the show, but I couldn't really hear it, I was starting to disconnect like I mostly did after presentations. 

 

Going back to the changing rooms and getting into a navy suit was done in automatic, just coming back to my senses when I reached the after-performance party were all the members of the school met the journalist, sponsors and recruiters of dance companies that had come to spot new talents. I looked around trying to find Ludovik when a young voice called my name. 

 

''Yuuri!'' was all the warning I had before a blond boy tackled me, almost making us fall. I stabilized both of us, completely confused. Why was this child hugging me? Who was he? 

 

''Yuuri, you were amazing! You have to teach me how to dance like you!'' The boy exclaimed in obvious awe, finally looking up and allowing me to see his face. His pale green eyes were admirative and strangely familiar. 

 

''Yuri Plisetsky, running like a madman isn't beautiful at all. Show some composure, young man,'' a stern voice scolded and I froze. I looked at the pouting child that was still hugging me, reluctant to listen to the tall woman that joined us and that I easily recognized as Madame Lilia Baranovskaya, a legend among ballet dancers and former prima ballerina of the Bolshoi. 

 

''Madame,'' I greeted, trying to bow, but unable to do so with little Yuri being glued to my middle. I chuckled. ''Hey, Yura,'' I said softly, remembering the small child that I used to babysit with his older cousin. I caressed his golden hair with affection, finally returning the hug and catching a glimpse of a small fond smile on the Madame's face. I was about to tell the boy how much I had missed him when someone called my name. 

 

''Yuuri...'' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Yuuri's solo to 'Another Day'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OR-n3Rg6E8&list=RDMM4OR-n3Rg6E8)


End file.
